Healing
by Castieluv2333
Summary: This is going to be about how Dean and Cas get together but then Dean finds out about him working with Crowley and some stuff before that and how things work out for them after everything. I don't own the characters or supernatural obviously, and most of the few jokes aren't mine, hope you enjoy it! its basically like a supernatural soap opera
1. Chapter 1

Dean and Sam had just finished a job, they had expected something bigger but it turned out that it was just a demon possessing the person. They weren't able to save them. again. They had to kill the demon with the person. The engine of Dean's baby purrs as Dean rushes down the street to the motel they were currently staying at. Dean can feel the numbness that possesses his body after a hunt, he instantly wants to drown the feeling away with alcohol. He glances over to Sam, who's expression is almost blank, Dean knows he doesn't care that they just killed a person back there, he's not feeling anything because his soul is gone, the person Dean is with it's not Sam even Soulless Sam knew that . Sam catches Dean staring at him openly.

"you need something?" The soulless man implies.

"Nope." Dean says fast after the question is asked. They drive in silence for the rest of the drive which suddenly seems to be lasting longer than he thought it was, Dean can't help but to think how much his life friggin sucks. He wants so badly to see Lisa and her son Ben again, but that couldn't happen. Not after everything, Lisa wouldn't forgive him for the incident with Ben, and Dean has given up on trying to talk to her. The temptation to ditch Sam and go somewhere else and live life as if none of this happened is too strong, but Dean has to take care of Sammy because he's family.

Finally they reach the motel and Dean jumps out of the car "Thank god." he mutters under his breath, pulls out his keys and goes into the room. He instantly goes to the fridge and pulls out a beer and begins to drink it, feeling it burn down his throat. Anything was better than what he had been feeling in the car,the feeling of being dead inside. Sam comes through the door bending his head down a little at the door way because of his Sasquatch body. He arch's an eyebrow at Dean, and Dean just holds his glass up to him and grimaces.

"Want one?" Sam nods his head and Dean tosses him one. They drink in silence for a moment until Dean decides that its not strong enough and goes for the stronger stuff. He is seeing doubles when he swaggers into his bed. Sam goes to his and lays down in it, of course he won't sleep, he doesn't sleep.

Dean dreams of hell that night. screams, fires, the laughter as he pulls the souls apart, tearing, ripping, and then a light. A light so bright he has to shield his eyes, the demons follow his actions. And then a hot searing pain on his shoulder, and then there's blue. such a bright blue he's almost overwhelmed, he hasn't seem something so beautiful in so long.

Dean wakes up drenched in sweat and he's shivering. Sams sitting across the room with his laptop watching Dean with expressionless eyes. Dean rushes up and goes to the bathroom, closes the door, and starts up the shower. He's in the shower for awhile his eyes completely avoiding the mirror. He lets the water run a little too hot burning his skin. He cleans off the dirt on the cuts he got last night. And then just stands there in the shower with his eyes closed, he doesn't want to go back out to Sam. Everything about this was wrong. Sammy had no soul, they were working with a god damn demon, but when weren't the two boys in some deep shit. At last he shuts off the water and steps out of the shower. The air instantly feels cooler as his feet touch the tile floors after having the water on full heat, feeling almost refreshing.

Dean wraps a towel around his wait and then looks in the mirror, he can barely recognize himself, his green eyes seem to be slowly fading they look almost dead, his face sinks inward with huge dark bags around his eyes. His reflection almost reflects how is dead inside and full of self loathing. He gets ready not really excited for the day ahead of him that will be filled with driving in his baby with Sam out there.

He steps outside and hears Sam converting with someone. When he comes around from the corner he is surprised to see Castiel there, his angel, no, the angel. Flashes from his dream last night come into his mind.

"Dean," Castiel says in his deep voice that Dean never really thought fit him.

Dean at the fridge grabs a beer and raises it in the angels direction, takes a swig of it and then looks away from the angels staring at him that odd way he always does.

"so you actually got him to come?" Dean says after clearing his throat. Annoyance flashes through Cas's eyes and then he tilts his head, "Of course I am came Dean."

"Right that's why you only come when its only has something to involve you."

"Dean, i have things that i need to do in heaven-"

"Yeah, Yeah big war stuff between Raphael, right." Dean cuts him off knowing what a dick he's being. Instead of trying to be nice after it he just takes in another swig of beer and swallow's it slowly feeling it burning down his throat. There's silence, and a thick tension comes over the room.

"Right, why did you call Casanova down here anyway Sam?"

"I thought he could help us."

"With what?"

"Finding a way to get his soul back without using Crowley or demon help." Cas answers for him.

"And, uh, what made you change your mind about using Crowley?" Dean questioned.

"Just thought i should keep my options open." Sam says. Dean notes how little emotion there even was in his brothers voice. Does he even care at all that they're trying to get it back? A pang hits Deans stomach at the thought and then downs the rest of his beer down to get rid of the feeling, he doesn't care he's going to get Sammy's soul back whether this cold, soulless version of him wanted it or not. Cas is giving him a worried look. Oh boy.  
"Dean i need to talk to you alone." The angel says quietly to Dean his beautiful blue eyes pouring into Deans.

"Of course." Dean grabs another beer and walks out the motel room with the angel. Dean had never really noticed how beautiful, and graceful Cas walked. He was watching him walk until the two of them were out the door and Cas whipped around to Dean.

"Close the door." His voice sounding rough. Great another serious talk. Dean closes the door so that they are alone. When he looks back at Cas, his face is just a few inches away. Causing his heart to beat fast. He only hopes that Cas can't hear his heart right now cause its going sky rocket.

"I told you what could happen if he gets his soul back Dean." Cas says with his cocked to the side. How the hell is it that he can look adorable when he's trying to look angry and tough? Okay Pocahontas stop with the princess shit Dean thinks to himself ceasing any thoughts that are about how Cas looks adorable.

"I know, but he can't just go on being soulless Cas, that's my brother."

"Yes he can Dean." Dean doesn't say anything, he doesn't want to hear this bullshit. So he opens his beer. Cas's expression remains the same, a look that won't give away anything just cold and hard.

"So how are things going on in heaven?" Dean asks trying to get off the topic they are on, the one he dreads so friggin much. Cas steps back away from Dean and turns his back to him, He hears a small sigh come from the angel. A small whisper comes from the angel, barely audible, "It's so hard Dean." Deans stomach cringes and he goes up and puts and on the back of Cas's shoulder. Cas stiffens at the touch but relax's under it after a moment. And the angel sighs once more as he closes his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispers. Cas's head whips up, Dean never apologized.

"What?" The angel asks the hunter shocked.

"Nothing..." Dean says blushing. Cas turns to the hunter.

"Are you okay Dean?"

"What do you mean?"

"You never apologize, instead you act like you don't care at all, to make yourself seem like a ass and bring others down along with yourself" Cas says all seriousness in his voice.

"Wh- Wha- I DO NOT!"

"That's what Sam told me before his soul was taken away."

"That- i'm gonna seriously have a talk with him when he gets his soul back..." Dean mutters.

"Are you okay?" Cas says doing his adorable head tilt, that also makes Dean slightly uncomfortable.

"What's it to you."

" Dean i raised you from hell."

"Right." And then silence,Dean looks into Cas's blue eyes and he feels calm and almost like he's going to be okay, and then everything seems to not matter anymore and Dean finds himself spilling, and wants to punch himself in the gut a million times for being such a pussy.

" No Cas i'm not okay. I need my brother and that thing... He's not Sammy, he's a heartless dick. I lost my family... And... I just feel dead inside, I can barely look into the mirror without wanting to punch it." Dean takes in a deep breath after his confession.

"Dean..." Cas comes really close to Dean, so close Dean is slightly uncomfortable but yet it puts him at ease. Dean looks into the pools of blue that are the angels eyes and Cas stares back just as he always does.

"I'll see what I can do." Cas slowly trails the back of him palm down Deans face making Dean shiver and then vanishes.

The next day Sam and Dean are on the road and Dean's blasting his babies speakers with Led Zeppelin singing along and bobbing his head to the beat while Sam just sits there looking slightly annoyed.

"Think you can turn that down a bit?" In response to Sams question Dean turns it up louder and starts sing loader. Dean gets a bitch face, that is one thing this version of Sam has in common with his brother, the bitch face. Dean chuckled and then smirked to himself.

They get to Bobby's house in couple of days and find Bobby buried in research, looks like they got themselves a case. Dean always appreciated the more simple cases, it makes him feel like he's back in the old days when it was just him and Sammy, living on the road killing demons, and things were almost okay. Look at things now.

A few days go by and they get the case done with and Dean feels even worse with this one than the last one. Sam had killed a possessed child and that's not what had scared Dean, it was that they had options, they had it trapped in a demons trap, and Sam just killed the little girl with absolutely no hesitation, and the cold in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried Dean could not get the cold and hard expression Sam had on when he had done it. No remorse or anything, and it terrified Dean, he wants his little dork of a brother back.

Sam scared the shit out of Dean now even Samuel had admitted he was scared of his little brother. Dean had been moping he was in a slump, he didn't know what to do anymore, he was running out of options and even if Sam did get his soul back it could kill him or turn him insane like Cas had told him. But he couldn't just let Sam go on like this. Deans phone starts to go off, its Lisa. He declines it. He just can't talk to her. He sure as hell wants to but he can't bring himself to answer. He decides he can't stay here, he should but he needs to be alone. He tells Sam and Dean that he'll be back by tomorrow and that's he gonna take the night off.

He speeds off in the impala going to the nearest bar. This is what he needs, a night off with some random hot chick. He goes to the Bar and orders a shot, he downs it and requests another one. The bar tender smiles at him, Dean looks at her, she's cute, not one of Dean's typical sexy babes he goes with but he would give her a shot. She's short maybe around 5'3 and most of her height if from her legs which are long and slender. She has short red curly hair that curls in right under her chin, her chin is thin and she has some wicked check bones and has very nice lips, and she has a cute button nose, you can tell her make up is nicely done and well cared for, She wears a fitting tank top that shows off her rack nicely, and a pair of fitted jeans showing off the little curves she has, her eyes were definitely her best feature though, their a pleasant deep brown that are comforting to look at. But they don't really compare to Cas's blue ones... and for the most part Dean's attracted so Dean winks at her and she does an adorable giggle.

"What's your name sweetheart?"

"Cassidy," she giggles, "And you?" Dean's thoughts instantly go to Cas when he hears what her name is, what the fuck man stop thinking about the dude.

"Dean," he smirks and winks at her yet again which makes her go tomato red. He's not really interested in her anymore though or at least not enough to take her somewhere else someone else has now filled his mind. He takes another shot and then takes his leave, a few girls smiling at him as he goes to the door, he could easily get one of them but some how he just isn't in the mood now.

He finds a motel close by and gets a room. He goes inside and instantly plops onto the bed. He closes his eyes and rubs his temple, since when did he need to be away from his family? He stays there a good half hour. Its dark when he opens his eyes, he turns on a lamp by the bed, sitting up he rests his head against the wall and starts to say a silent prayer.

"Cas... It's not important, not at all important but... please come down if you can, i need to talk to you..." Dean sits there. He knows the angel won't come, because as Dean said its not important. He's not important.

"Dean..." A gravely voice says. Dean's head flips to his left and see's his angel staring down at him, his expression blank. Dean gets off the bed jumping to his feet. Now that Cas is actually here he's in a stump of what to say to the guy, why exactly did he need him here?

"Dean what's happening? Did something go wrong with Sam?" Cas says worried noticing Sam not being there.

"No... I just...Have you found anything out about Sams soul?" Cas's expression turns hard again and turns away from Dean.

"No I have not." The cold in Cas's voice scares Dean.

"Did you even try?" Deans asks.

"No."

"Well why the hell not?!" Dean is starting to get pissed.

"I have told you what would happen if he gets it back Dean."

"I don't care." Dean snarls at the angel extremely pissed now.

"Dean,even if i could have tried to find a way between what is happening in heaven right now, I wouldn't look." A growl escapes from the hunter when the angel says that tipping his anger over the edge.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" Dean screams his blood feels like its boiling with anger, he looks into Castiel's eyes looking for some sign of emotion anything, anger, annoyance, sadness, but instead he is staring into eyes that tell him nothing. He wants to see something, he can't take nothing anymore, the nothing he feels inside of him all the time, the nothing inside of his brother, the nothing that he is.

"You are angry with me." Castiel remarks lifting his chin a bit.

"No fucking duh, Sherlock." Dean says venomously.

"I don't understand Dean, my name is not Sherlock." Cas says while tilting his head, expressions still emotionless.

"God Cas I know. It was a reference."

"Your references are strange."

"I don't care. If you aren't going to help me then why are you here? Why do you come at all when I pray to you? I mean obviously I am nothing to you." Still no emotion comes from Cas.

"I raised you from hell."

"Yeah so I've heard. You can't just keep on playing that card Cas." Damn I sound just like a 14 year old girl with boy issues Dean thinks to himself.

"Card?"

"If i find a way to get his soul back, will you help me if i need it?" Cas pauses, Dean realizes how desperate he sounds and hopes it will play a toll on the angel.

"... No. I will not help you destroy your brother." A pang goes off in his stomach of betrayal and Dean looses it, he takes the lamp and smashes it onto the ground sending shattered glass over the floor. It didn't even phase Cas. Fueled with anger Dean goes to Cas and try's to punch Cas in the nose, but Cas just catch's Deans hand with his extreme strength. Damn. He wants to see something in the angels dead eyes and the angel is too strong for him to punch shock into them. A tear falls down from Deans right eye, he turns away embarrassed god damn what is wrong with him tonight.

"I should go Dean." Dean whips back around. Hell no was Cas getting out of this.

"NO!" Dean grabs the collar of the angels shirt and shoves him hard against the wall, Dean knows Cas is letting him do this because he knows Cas could easily push him away with angel mojo and could just as easily disappear, but he still has no emotion. And that's when Dean knows that he is completely insane now because what he does even shocks him. He looked at the angels lips and he knew that they were they key to get the angel to show emotion, so he kisses them, smashing his lips into the other mans and... He likes it and try's to deepen the kiss.

Cas shoves Dean away and gasps, his face full of shock and surprise and something else... Hope and lust maybe? Dean wants more from the angel so he goes back to the angel and collides with his lips again, it felt so right, so perfect Dean can barely contain himself. He slowly outlines Cas's lips with his tongue wanting the angel to open and kiss him back. He feels the angel shiver, god Dean needed this so bad, he feels more whole than he has in a long time. How long has he been hiding his feelings for Cas from himself? It feels like forever.

"Dean, please don-" Dean puts a finger over his angels mouth silencing him. He looks into the angels beautiful blue eyes that are shinning and sparkling like deep blue pools of water, that makes the hunter thirsty for this angel and can't stop staring at those eyes that have such an effect on him, they are no longer emotionless, they are full of want and he knows that he hasn't been the only one repressing his feelings. Dean starts to trace the outline of Cas's face slowly. Cas's eyes watching his every move.

"Tell me you don't want me, don't want this, and i'll stop." Dean whispers with a deep voice. Cas opens his mouth and for a moment Dean's stomach drops but then Cas closes his mouth and gulps and stares into the hunters emerald eyes. Dean smiles and a small laugh escapes, Cas wants him. Deans fingers stop tracing when they reach the angels slightly chapped lips and runs his finger over the bottom of his lips, and the angel closes his eyes. "That's what I thought." Holy shit this was happening Dean was going to do it with an angel of the lord, who is in a man's vessel no less, and for some reason that didn't phase him at all he could think about was getting his hands on this beautiful person in front of him.

Dean bends his neck down and kisses Cas lightly and gently, taking in the flavor and smell of him wanting to remember this, a small whimper comes from Cas that makes Dean smile against against the angels mouth. Kissing a man is different from kissing a girl, much different actually, but for Dean it's a good different, a wonderful different, but Deans sure it wouldn't be as special if it wasn't from his angel. When their lips part from the lingering kiss Dean puts his forehead against Cas's and strokes his hands down the angels back and arms, teasing him a little. A shiver comes from the angel a couple times but soon he becomes impatient. And this time its the angel attacking the hunters lips.

Dean pushes Cas harder into the wall as their kisses become more and more passionate, Cas shrugs off his trench coat and then wraps his arms around Dean's neck pulling him closer to him hard as if Dean could be as close as possible and it still wouldn't be enough. Cas's tongue enters Deans mouth making Dean groan and a battle with tongues start. Dean runs his hands through Cas's silky hair not able to get enough of it, tugging and pulling on it to bring the angels body against his. Cas stops for a moment to breathe, and so Dean starts to kiss his way down the angels neck slowly, stopping about half way and sucks causing Castiel to give out a whine. Cas digs his finger nails into Deans back and bucks his hips forward into Deans already rock hard erection.

A moan escapes from the hunters mouth and begins to follow the angels lead grinding into Cas's groin. Cas whispers Dean's name against Deans neck, feeling the hot breathe on his skin Dean takes a nip at the angels ear, kissing the angels beautiful jaw and neck and then back onto the angels delectable lips.

Dean stops and runs his hands up to Cas's blue tie and slowly unties it and tucks it into the back of his pocket winking at Cas, who's eyes are wide open and dilated with lust.

"What are you going to do with that?" The angel says with a gruff voice. Dean brings his nose against Cas's and simply says,

"Spoilers." Then the hunter grabs the top of the angels button up shirt and rips it off sending buttons everywhere in the room.

Castiel gasps, "Dean!" Dean chuckles and examines Cas, his slender and lean body is nicely toned Dean approves, very much, the things he was going to do with this body. Dean loops his fingers through Cas's belt loops and pulls him close taking in the scent of the angels body and plants a kiss on his lips and then begins to work his way down the angles neck to a beautiful collar bone that's sticking out. Dean slowly traces Castiel's collar bone with his tongue getting Cas to breathe out heavily and then does the same to the other one and then stops on the end and starts sucking on it.

"Dean..." Cas moans as he runs his hands through Dean's short hair and then grips it tightly. Dean snakes his way back up to Cas's face dragging his tongue and goes back to kissing his lover. Dean can't really hold back anymore to make this last, time to go commando. Cas is panting now and Dean presses a hand against Cas's firm cock, releasing a hiss from the angel and then Cas yells Deans name he presses his hand harder onto it. It feels so right, Dean has never wanted to give someone so much pleasure before, he wants Cas to have to most amazing night since he's pretty sure this is the angels first time with this and Dean was going to make it something to remember, because seeing this Cas wanting pleasure, wanting him its one of the most amazing things he has seen and he will not disappoint. Dean rubs his hands against Cas's chest feeling his tight biceps and rolls one of his nipples in his mouth making the angel moan loudly.

Cas wraps his leg around the hunter and rolls his hips in and out grabbing the hunters taught ass, Dean grips the angels hips hard and goes to work grinding into Cas with his face berried into Cas's chest both of them moaning loudly. Cas bucks extra hard into Dean making Dean throw his head back as he let out "JESUS" Cas stops for a moment and looks into Deans eyes.

"I prefer Castiel Dean." It takes a moment for the hunter to process the joke then he chuckles.

"I don't know I think Sherlock worked better for you." Dean chuckles to him.

"Dean." Cas says the hunters name in such a tone that drove Dean insane, too much talking.

"Yeah, Castiel it is." Dean says ready for the pause to be over. He takes the angels hand and leads him to the bed and lays him on it so that Cas is laying and Dean is straddling his legs. Cas pupils are blown so that his eyes almost seem black with a ring of blue around them. Cas pulls Dean down into his clutches so that he can kiss him passionately before Dean starts to make his way down slowly trailing his tongue with him.

"There is too much cloths in this equation," Cas breathes out and the both of their cloths are gone. Dean looks up a moment.

"Awesome." Dean whispers and then continues on with making his way down stopping occasionally to suck or kiss something, and to dip his tongue into the angels belly button which made Cas giggle making Dean smile to himself.

When Dean makes his way to Cas's hip bones that are sticking out sharply and begins sucking on them, them being to much for the hunter to ignore. Cas moans loudly and whispers Deans name. Dean begins to rub Cas's thighs.

"Dean..." Cas begins to wine. Dean slowly kisses each of Cas's toned thighs, teasing the angel.

"Dean, please." The angel begs, plead full in his voice. How could Dean say no to his pleading angel? And while teasing Cas A LOT of fun Cas was loosing his mind. Dean takes his and runs it down the shaft and and then licks the top of the stone hard erection. Cas gasps, Cas is breathing more heavily. He pleads with Dean again to keep going and so Dean goes and takes his whole mouth over it, Cas cries out and Dean continues sucking, pulling it in and out of his mouth, Cas's hips rise off from the bed and he cries out Deans name several times and groaning so loud that the people in the other room could probably hear them, but that was not even one of Deans worries. Dean rakes down Cas's shaft with his teeth and Cas cries out again.

"Dean... I..." Cas stutters with his words and then the angels comes into Deans mouth as Dean was licking upwards. At first Dean doesn't really know what to do he has never had sex with a guy before so he just swallows the seed. Dean crawls up after Cas having the orgasm to where Cas is laying breathing heavily and curls up to him so his nose is touching his and links their feet together. And they stay there for a few moments just staring at each other.

"Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"I love you." The hunter smiles because he is genuinely happy right now.

"I love you too Cas, I have for awhile, i guess i just didn't really know it yet, but i do now." The look Cas gets when Dean says that is priceless, its the look a five year old would get after receiving a puppy for Christmas. Dean plants a firm kiss onto Cas's lips and draws back for a moment and takes all of this in, this happiness that he's feeling, Cas being in love with him, maybe things aren't so bad. And then Cas brings him back to his lips for a passionate kiss things starting to get heated again.

"Cas, you sure you want me to do this? Cause i don't wanna hurt you man." Dean says, Castiel is bound with the blue tie that he always wears to the bed post so his back is faced to Dean on his knee's.

"Yes Dean I am sure quite. And I do not think it is me that you should be worried about." Just hearing Cas talking slightly dirty sends blood down to his hungry cock making it pulse. Dean kisses Cas's shoulder blades and the back of neck before he proceeds just because he can, because Cas is his now, the angel tenses at his touch but relax's. Figuring that Cas was just going to make this easy with his angel mojo and make it less painful for him he figures he can enter his lover.

"Alright, tell me if you need me to stop."

"Dean it will be highly unnecessary for me to do so. Don't worry." Dean convinced that his lover will be fine slowly pushes himself into him. He feels the warmth and tightness of being inside of Cas and moans loudly.

"Damn Cas... So tight." Cas is clutching onto the blue tie so hard that his knuckles are white but he wanted this so he was going to do it. Dean goes as far in as he can and then slowly pulls out and pushes it back in releasing load moans from both of them. Dean grips Cas's hips hard and goes in harder and he cries out Cas's name while Cas lets out and extremely loud moan. After a few more times he gets a rhythm going.

"Fuck Cas!" Dean yells, Cas is not quiet at all, which kind of shocks Dean he almost expected Cas to be the silent type but he was loud, and Dean liked it Cas lets out a loud moan and then yells Deans name back. And Dean speeds up the rhythm, making Cas gasp and catch on his breath, Cas's name slips out of Dean's mouth a few more times and starts going in harder and deeper, Cas cries out, Dean going as fast and hard as he can caught in the frenzy and he feels himself hit Cas's prostate making Cas scream out Dean's name and Dean keeps going, fast and hard. He can feel himself being close to come, but he try's to hold on longer for Cas, and keeps on going hoping that his little angel is getting exactly what he wants. And finally he comes right in Cas letting it all out feeling the orgasm waves shake over him and he slides out of Cas panting.

"Dean?" Cas says unable to see Dean since he's bound with the tie. Dean chuckles and crawls beneath Cas so that Cas is over him with Cas's legs on the outside of his in the middle of them, his hands still bound to the bed post above Dean's head.

"Right here man." Dean smiles at him.

"I like it when you smile Dean."

"I like you no matter what." Dean says back making Cas flush.

"Are you going to untie me now?"

"I might have a few things up my sleeve for it" Dean says while grinning wickedly.

"You don't have any sleeves Dean, you're naked." Cas says while tilting his head to the side while staring down at Dean. Dean just smiles not bothering to explain himself.

"Hey Cas, so you say that angels don't feel pain how can you feel pleasure?" Dean asks as the question comes to mind.

"I do feel pain Dean, just not in the same way as you and feeling pleasure, it is an option to feel it or not that most angels do not choose."

"Why wouldn't they choose it? You obviously enjoyed it tonight." Cas pauses before replying.

"It could lead them into rebellion." They sit there with Cas over him staring at him with his blue eyes. Dean ask's another question.

"Why did you choose it Cas?"

"I wouldn't have, not if it worn't for you Dean." Something stirs inside of Dean, he doesn't understand Cas's caring for him, not one bit, but he was glad that Cas did feel that way enough about him because without it Dean wouldn't be happy right now.

"I'm glad that you did..."

"I am too. Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"Can you untie me? My wrists hurt."

"Oh, yeah sorry man." Dean chuckles. He reaches up and unties Cas from his bound a little disappointed he didn't get to do more with it, but there would be a lot more times to do those things. Cas slowly lowers himself onto Dean so that he's laying on top of him and places his elbows by Dean's head so that Dean's head rests on the back of his palms and kisses Dean forehead slowly and looks into the hunters eyes.

"Come here." Dean commands and pulls Cas to his chest and hugs him closely and snuggles his face into the caress between Cas's shoulder and neck and breathes in Cas's scent running his hand down Cas's back. Dean can't help but to notice how perfectly they fit together and loves the feeling of Cas being on top of him.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"Yeah, i'm fine."

"Dean."

"What?"

"You don't have to lie to me."

"It's nothing that I can't handle Cas."

"You sounded wounded when you called me."

"I know."

"Would you want me to tell you if I wasn't okay Dean?"

"Of course." Dean strokes the side of the angels face.

"And you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then trust me."

"I... I'm just not seeing the point anymore."

"The point?"

"The point of me being here. I used to think that my whole purpose was to take care of Sam. But that guy he is right now, that isn't Sam. I've lost everything. I thought that maybe i could have a chance, a new one with Lisa and Ben, but just like always things got ruined. I just can't see why i'm suppose to be doing what i'm doing when nothing good comes out of it."

"You have a purpose Dean."

"What is it then? It was suppose to be Micheal, but I refused my destiny, do you think that all of this, all of this shit with Sam, is some kind of punishment for that?"

"It's possible. I suppose. But the way I see things, we wouldn't be able to feel happiness without feeling pain, maybe you're just saving the happiness for something else. And I don't think you're pointless at all, you just don't see all of the good that you do, especially to me. You'll figure things out."

"I'm happy right now." Cas does this adorable smile that makes Deans heart flutter a little after saying that, which is something that had only really happened occasionally when he thought Sam was being a cute dork as a kid. Cas is like a bit of paradise in hell, which is kind of true, him being an angel and all. All the same Dean never wants the moment to end.

"Are you going to stay or are you going to take of?" Dean asks Cas hoping he'll stay.

"I'll stay for however long you need me to."

"So forever?" Dean says even though he was only asking if Cas would stay for the rest of the night.

"Deal." Cas says in a deep voice and then pulls Dean in for another kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas stays with his word to stay, he can't visit Dean everyday but he certainly try's, these visits are a secret though, Dean isn't ready for anyone to know about the two of them, its not that he's ashamed of it, hell its the only thing keeping him together right now but he's scared of what Bobby or Sam would do or really anyone who saw the two of them together. He can tell that it hurts Cas a little even though Cas would never admit to it, so Dean makes sure to go out of his way to make sure that Cas knows how much Dean loves him especially while making love and just small gestures, which is something that Dean never did before.

Dean finds himself falling more and more in love with his angel every time he comes to see him, the way Cas just automatically lightens up the room when he comes in, his laugh which Dean finds adorable and he finds himself trying to get Cas to laugh more just so that he can hear it, and just learning little things about the guy. And Cas always listens to him and for once Dean isn't just keeping things to himself, he trusts Cas, sometimes on a bad night he'll pray to Cas to come see him and when Cas comes he'll let Dean vent to him, yelling, screaming and sometimes braking things because he's never had this opportunity to just open up and let someone know that his tough exterior isn't all there is to him. And after he's done Cas will hug him and cradle his head and let Dean how much he loves him and tell him how things will be alright and that he will always be there then they'll curl up and cuddle somewhere, Dean doesn't really believe things will be alright but it helps all the same. Some times Dean wonders how he ever survived without this thing with Cas, how he stayed bottled up for so long.

Dean works on trying to gets Sams soul back himself with help from Bobby or someone else, Cas disapproves of Sam getting his soul back and it usually leads up to a huge argument with the angel if Cas finds out what he's been planning, but the making up after the fights are amazing but Dean hates fighting with Cas he hates the way when Dean says something rude he can see some of the light go from the angels eyes so he try's his hardest not to let him know, and when they do fight Dean always apologizes even though that's strictly something he would never do to anyone else, he just can't stay mad at Cas. And that is why Cas can't know what he is planning, he is almost certain that this plan could work.

Death told him that if he could be him for one day he would give Sam his soul back and even put a wall up so that Sam wouldn't remember hell and all he had to do was put on the ring. After Sams episode Dean couldn't take it anymore and he called Death, Cas didn't know any of this, Dean just needs to make sure a few things were secure before putting on the ring so that he can get Sammy back.

"Everything good Bobby?"

"Looks like it. Be careful boy." Bobby replies

"Alright, i'll see you." Dean goes into the other room, he considers calling Cas and telling him he figures he'll find out one way or another and would rather wait until later to have probably the biggest fight of their couple months together.

The experience with Death doesn't exactly go 'well' he took off the ring while doing the job, it was a lot harder than he thought, that little girl, he didn't want to do it, first of all she was a fucking little girl and she is never going to experience life, Dean never got to have a normal life but she could have had a chance, and all he could think about was when Sam killed that little girl that was possessed the cold in his eyes, he didn't want to be like that. But in the end he did but only to end up taking the ring off anyways. But the biggest surprise was that Death he still gave Sammy his soul back, Dean doesn't understand at all but he's grateful, but now Sam's not waking up. And Bobby wants to call Cas to see if he can see if he can do anything about it, and Cas was going to be pissed.

Anxiety builds up in Dean Bobby's getting impatient with him for not calling Cas, and Sam is still not waking up.

"Boy, call Cas before I kick your ass you punk, that's your brother down there!" Bobby sass's him. Guess that this was going to happen sooner or later, Dean just hopes Cas won't be too angry.

"Hey Cas... Me and Bobby down here" Dean makes sure to mention that Bobby is with him so that Cas won't appear and try to do something with him. "We need some help with some stuff, if you could come down that would be great." Cas appears almost immediately behind Bobby.

"I came." Cas says bluntly.

"I see that." Dean says while looking down and wringing his hands. Which gets him a look from Bobby. Cas looks stressed and Dean wants to reach out to him and embrace him or something, Cas never speaks of what happens in heaven but Dean wishes that he would so that he could at least try to help a little cause that's what Cas does for him.

"What is it that you acquire?" Cas asks doing his head tilt.

"Bobby," Dean says while gesturing towards Bobby for him to explain, so he gets another look.

"We got Sams soul back. And he ain't waking up, you think you got any angel mojo that could help him?" Cas would look calm if Dean didn't notice the things about the angel that he does, the way his shoulders tense just a bit and his jaw locks into a firmer position and his eyes go slightly bigger and his hands are balled into fists making his knuckles go white, oh yeah he was in the bag.

"I'll go look at him." He says stiffly and goes to the basement where Sam sleeps refusing to look at Dean. Dean already feels empty and Cas's reaction didn't make him any better he feels horrible for his brother, but what could he do? Let Sam still go off soulless killing innocent people? Hell no, Cas could be way more understanding of this Dean thinks stubbornly. But the other side of his mind nags him that Cas is just worried about Sam like him from how much he loves Cas. Dean decides to go wait by the panic room, so he goes down to the basement and then takes a seat at the bottom of the stairs. Please let Sam be okay.

Cas has been in there for a few minutes when he storms out looking angry and annoyed. His eyes widen at Dean not expecting to see him waiting there.

"I told you not to meddle with this Dean." Cas says in a deep threatening voice.

"I know... But he's my brother I couldn't do nothing..." Dean mutters. He was only like this around Cas, something about Cas just made Dean angry to disappoint him to the point that Dean wants to hide and curl up somewhere so that no one could see how ashamed he is with disappointing his angel.

"Dean do you know what his soul felt like? It felt like it was skinned alive!" Cas says heatedly. He says other things too but Dean kind of blocks them out he's only seen Cas like this when he was about to say yes to Micheal, and it worried him. Cas starts to go up the stairs probably to go talk to Bobby.

"Will you visit me to night?" Dean pleads so that he can make things right with his angel.

"I don't think so Dean." And just like that blackness spreads over Dean like a sheet as the angel climbs the rest of the stairway leaving Dean there alone. After a few moments Dean goes back up moving but not really feeling anything his legs just moving, he feels numb, things can't get bad with Cas, not now, he needs him. Cas is already gone when he gets up there just him Bobby, and sleeping beauty downstairs.

The next couple days Dean is in this zombie trance he pretends to be okay though he helps Bobby and talks and pretends that he's hungry, but in reality he's dead inside not feeling anything not hunger, not pain, just nothing, like that one precious night he and Cas spent together. He prays to Cas and even says sorry in a couple of them but he never comes. Dean is alone. And then something happens. Sam wakes up.

Dean and Bobby had just been doing research when his brother came up the stairs and Dean feels something again, relief a little bit of happiness and a twitch of guilt. Him and Sammy embrace each other and Dean fills him in on what doesn't include him being soulless and Hell, he's not taking chances with the wall if it brakes, the results would be horrible. Sam doesn't know anything and he's fine with that the less he knows about the year he was soulless the better, because it could brake Same and he himself doesn't want to remember it.

It a few days before Dean hears about Cas, and its from Sam.

"Dean, what happened when I was down in the hole for that year?" Sam asks like he does almost every five frigging seconds like a pest.

"I told you Sam nothing." Dean says lamely.

"Dean I know what happened." Dean's head jerks up did Bobby tell him? He knew that Bobby had wanted Dean to tell Sam but he didn't think that he would do it when Dean wasn't around.

"How do you know?"

"Cas told me." A pang goes off in Deans chest just hearing the name. _Castiel_. Dean shivers he misses him, he needs him, thinking about him not coming back to him makes him want to go jump off a cliff or go deep into insanity. He gets a weird look from Sam and then he realizes that Sam's reading him. Damn he forgot about Sam and his ways of always knowing that something was wrong and trying to figure out what it was.

"Right. Cas." Saying his name is hard. He knew that Cas was going to be pissed but he didn't think that he would do this, not come see him, ignoring his prayers its driving him insane. He hopes that now that Sam is okay he'll come and see Dean, even if he were to beat Dean to death or yell at him or not even talk just stare at him with that soul gazing look, anything would be better than not seeing him. Than this silence. "How the Hell did you get a hold of him?"

"I didn't he showed up to check up on us. But you weren't with me." Sam pauses, and Dean feels disappointed, Cas probably just said to check on the both of them to be nice, "Dean, did something happen with the two of you?" Dean chokes on the beer that he was drinking.

"What! No, of course not!" Dean receives yet another bitch face, probably his tenth today, he gets way to many of those things. "So what did he say to you?" Dean says his voice a little high.

"He told me everything... With you, Bobby..." Sam goes quiet, maybe Deans not the only one suffering here.

Dean clamps a hand on his brothers shoulder, "Hey man that wasn't your fault. You were bat shit crazy."

"But it was still me Dean."

"No Sam it wasn't."

"It was Dean! Maybe not this part of me, but it was still me!" Dean doesn't know what to say anymore so he changes the subject.

"Hey, why don't we go get ourselves a case? You and me back in action!?" Dean says enthusiastically trying to get Sam to cheer up.

"Yeah sure." Sam says not really focused. Shit Dean was so focused on his little soap opera of his that he forgot how Sam would feel once he found out. He'd try to forget about Cas until he came back to Dean, it was going to be one of the hardest things for Dean to do.

A couple weeks go by and still nothing from Cas. That one thing Dean has learned from this, Cas knows how to hold a grudge. Him and Sam have been on a couple hunts one that Sam and Samuel had hit but didn't exactly finish it causing some weird reactions from Sam and making him remember certain things. Dean doesn't like it he doesn't want Sam to remember so this honestly scared him.

Dean and Sam are casually enjoying a moment of peace in a motel when he appears. _Castiel_.


	3. Chapter 3

The angel stands there staring at the two brothers with his blue eyes shinning hair slightly muffled, Dean gasps he had forgotten just how beautiful Cas was. His heart aches and he wants to reach out to the angel, it had been so long since he had seen him but he stays still for Sams sake and he honestly had no idea what to do.

"Hey Cas." Sam says, Dean stays quiet at loss for words.

"I need to speak to Dean. Alone." Cas says and Deans heart thumps a little. Sam sits there for a moment and then it registers in his mind that he wasn't wanted in the room right now.

"Oh, right." The moose mumbles as he walks out of the room. Dean sits there quietly and they stare at each other for a moment Cas staying in his place across the room.

"So?" Dean finally says after resurfacing from being lost in Cas's eyes. They stand there in silence tension building up for several minutes. Dean know's he should be angry asd hell he almost wants to go punch the angel for not talking to him not letting him explain his actions, but he can't bring himself to be mad at Cas, all he wants is to go over there and hug him.

"Dean," the angel pauses, "I came here to tell you something." Dean waits but the angel remains silent. Dean decides that its bullshit so he speaks up.

"Cas, let me tell you something first." The angel looks slightly shocked by Deans words but lets him go on, "I know that your mad at me and all for the Sam thing but is avoiding each other really helping at all? If it helps at all i'm sorry, I just wasn't about to go and let Sam go on the way he was." Dean says boldly hoping that his act of not being nervous goes through, when really he was trembling on the inside, scared of what Cas was going to do next.

"Dean, I am not mad at you." Cas states matter of factually. Anger seeps through out Deans body.

"Then where the hell have you been?! I've only been worrying my ass off for you!" Cas looks at Dean and see's something something rare in Dean, with the anger, there was fear, honest fear. Cas didn't realize what his absence must have been doing to Dean.

"I needed to think."

"Think? Oh yeah, just go off without a word making everyone think that you left, with no plans of return so you can _think_. Leave a god damn note or something next time."

"You are angry at me." Castiel states. Angry? Dean wouldn't say he was angry, annoyed? Yes. Pissed off? Maybe a little bit, but he couldn't be angry at this angel in front of him, no matter what he did to him, and honestly, that scared Dean.

"No." Dean answers.

"So neither of us are angry." Castiel states.

"Yeah I think we have stated that now." Cas tilts his head to Dean, if he wasn't mad at him then why was he still moody? Cas walks up to Dean and rests the back of him palm on Dean's check, he missed the feel of his hunters face, the stubble on it that he loved, and ultimately just because it was Deans. He had missed this so much.

"Dean, i'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you like that." Deans heart flutters with Cas's touch, and apparently Cas heard it because it smiled ever so slightly. Which made Dean give in to his feelings, a smiling Cas was too much for him to stay distanced from, so he smiled back for a moment.

"I missed you so much." Dean whispers as he runs a gentle hand through Cas's soft hair tickling the tips of his hand and making the angel shiver. Cas steps close to Dean so he can rest his head into the crook of Dean neck and closed his eyes.

"I missed you too." Cas breathes out against the hunters neck. How did he go for so long without this? Dean was like a necessity to him now, he can hear Deans heart beating fast which makes him smile, he loves the effect he has on Dean like that, it's most fascinating. Dean laces his arms around Castiel's hips and pulls him closer to him into a warm and open embrace and begins to rub Cas's back slowly. Cas wraps his arms around Dean and clings to him not wanting this moment to end, not ever. His time away from Dean was most peculiar, a first he was mad, this could have almost ruined his plans for heaven. But then he slowly realized that it was more than that, he didn't like Dean keeping secret's from him, it made him feel like he wasn't doing his job at being a sufficient lover. And he liked being the one that Dean counted on, he understood that Sam was his brother and that they were close, but he admits that sometimes he gets slightly jealous of Sam being able to see Dean constantly, and being the one Dean would turn to. Human feelings are most complicated, sometimes he questions himself why he chose them, but if he didn't he wouldn't be able to be like this with Dean, and he would feel anything he had to for Dean.

"So you're really not mad at me Dean?" Cas asks, he wants to make sure, he doesn't want Dean to be upset with him, he hates it when he is. He want to make things right and the soon the better.

"No." Dean try's to say solidly but the hitch in his voice gives him away. Cas moves his head to look up at Dean, what else could there be?

"Dean what is it? Let me make it right." Cas demands.

"I'm not angry really... It's just..."

"Please go on." The angel pleads with a sparkle in his eye.

"You scared the hell out of me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I didn't think you were ever coming back after you ignored my first hundred prayers." Cas blushes, he remembers those prayers, crying for him to come back, pleading with him, Cas wanted to go back but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I knew that i should have been pissed, or even mad, but all I could think about was when the next time I would see you would be, and how much I missed you, being away from you like that... It nearly drove me insane, and I don't want you to leave again. I would loose myself Cas. I need you." Dean words touched Cas's heart so much that he could feel his eyes starting to get wet at the corners. Dean so very rarely opens up to people and he just did with Cas. Cas grabs the back of Dean's head and pulls his forehead to his.

"Dean. I will never leave again. I swear." Cas says in his gravely voice.

"You better not." Dean commands, as he strokes the side of his angels face, the smooth skin he had missed so much, he's staring openly at Cas's lips, and leans his head down to bring their lips together tired of being away of them. The kiss is a sweet, long and lingering kiss, Dean makes it this way so that Cas can see just how much he means to him. That was one of the best parts of their relationship, they don't have to talk much, which is good for both, with Dean not being able to talk about his feelings and Cas being the social awkward man he was.

When they pull apart the look Cas was giving Dean could have burn a hole through Dean with the intensity it had.

"Dean, are you going to keep secrets from me?" Deans heart thumped he wants to tell Cas everything he wants him to open up completely, but that would be something entirely new to the hunter, he's never just told people things, does he really trust Cas that much? He looks at the angel his blue eyes waiting for an answer.

"No. I trust you." Dean says realizing how true it was, he did trust Cas, probably over anyone, he was his angel who he could depend on.

Cas smiles at Dean's answer and the smile he gets back from Dean makes him feel warm and giddy, Dean trusts him, he knew that it wasn't easy for the hunter to do something like that, he felt honored and just happy, why did he stay away from him again?

"Dean." Dean looked into Cas's eyes as he said his name arching his eye brows. And then Cas attacked his lips pulling the hunter in for a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean's head while Dean grips Cas's hips and pulls them tightly together, they had been apart for so long that they just needed to be close, Cas hopes he doesn't ever have to be pulled away from Dean.

"You are not allowed to leave. Ever again." Dean commands with his lips crushed to Cas's loving the feeling of the angels lips on his too much to pull back to say the words. He feels Cas smile against his lips, that was his favorite, he loves when Cas smiles he rarely sees it and feeling it when they kissed was almost too much to handle. Cas moves his lips to kiss Dean's jaw line and up his neck experimenting a little bit with kisses and sucking till he was at Dean's earn that he bit softly.

"Why would I?" He murmurs to his hunter, he can pretty much feel Dean's heart go insane inside his chest he fears that it might burst out of the hunter. He kisses slowly down his lovers neck still experimenting a little bit trying to see which one of his actions would cause Dean's heart to go the fastest and Dean just responds by arching his head back allowing more access to the nape, once the angel reaches the collar of his neck he goes back up quickly and rakes his teeth down the strait causing a moan to escape from the hunter and a big reaction from his heart.

Dean wants those lips again so he pulls Cas's head back to his and covers Cas's lips with his and for a moment there is a small fight of dominance by trying to get each others lips over the others the Dean liked a lot it was playful and he could of sworn that the angel giggled and he decided that was his favorite sound in the whole entire world. That's when Dean hears the door open and a loud gasp following.

Dean snaps his head up at the sound of a disturbance, sure enough there was Sam mouth hanging open wider than the friggin door.

"You and Cas? I knew it! I knew there was something between you two!" He exclaims. To Dean's surprise Cas just smiled.

"Hello Sam." His angel says as if this were the most normal conversation in the world. Dean could feel himself blush insanely, he knew that Sam wouldn't care about him being with Cas but he wanted to brake something now with him knowing. And Sam was grinning so big he was scared that his face was going to break off.

"Sam you can't tell anyone! Especially not Bobby!" Dean says frantically, he wasn't ready for this. Cas looks over at him looking confused and slightly hurt.

"Dude don't worry about it, I don't care at all, in fact i'm glad about this." Sam says still grinning like a hyena.

"Why?"

"Because for once i'll be the ladies man!" And in that moment Dean was afraid that he was going to brake Sam's face but then he felt a slight pressure on his arm to stop him. Castiel had grabbed him and he could feel himself getting calmer. Damn it Cas was using his angel mojo on him, Cas did this occasionally to calm Dean down, in a way Dean hated it because it was repressing his true feelings and usually beating some dick bag into a pulp that deserves it, but its good because now his brother won't die. Dean will just torture him in other ways.

"You're right, because all I need is right here," and then Dean yanks Cas's lips into his kissing him deeply and slides him tongue against the angels lips so that he'll allow his entrance. And the angel did and for a moment Dean got lost in the moment forgetting about Sam and that this was to bug him.

"Man, i'm glad but at least let me leave before you get down with it." When Dean doesn't stop Sam sighs being the one who always has to leave, "Well i'll probably get my own room tonight." He mutters annoyed and walks out of the room. For a moment he feels bad for Sam but almost instantly forgets it when the angel starts to moan his name.

Sam takes a deep breathe when he gets outside and a smile begins to form onto his face and then a small laugh, he always assumed that Dean had strong feelings for Cas and had kind of secretly wished they would get together but never said anything and now that he saw them together he was happy for his brother. And the way Cas was looking at Dean, Sam could tell just how much Dean meant to the angel because the angel was staring at his brother like he was the universe. He hopes that this will work out for Dean its about time his brother was happy.


End file.
